My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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