Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
that is very illegal...i love you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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