This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
