guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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