You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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