Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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