I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
