I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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