how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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