just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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