Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
