nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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