she woke up with a sticky ear
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
