all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
