he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You pole danced in your parka.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
