Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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