dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
