the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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