Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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