I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
