Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
