wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't turn off my feet"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
