I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
