Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
