I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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