not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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