Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
