I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
