I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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