At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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