Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
