Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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