There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
