When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize