i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
