I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
