i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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