I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
