Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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