it's like her boobs came off with her bra
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
