Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
