Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love you. Go after that dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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