do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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