swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize