Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
