I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My balls are so social today.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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