Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
