When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
