I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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