the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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