Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we're so committed to being not committed
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