have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
