You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
