This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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