My sheets look like a crime scene.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
