Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize