You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
