there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
