I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
