Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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