fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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