Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize