The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
