I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
