That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
