I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
