I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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