Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
