I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
