alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize