if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize