well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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