On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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